11. Many people find interpersonal relationships the most challenging aspect of their personal and/or work lives. How can such relationships be enhanced by the development of emotional intelligence?
There is a saying “No One Is perfect”. Likewise, it is very difficult to have perfect interpersonal relationships among people. But such imperfect interpersonal skills can be enhanced with the development of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). According to Goleman (2004) “EQ is the abilities such as being able to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustration; to control impulse and delay gratification; to regulate one’s mood and keep distress from swamping the ability to think; to empathize and to hope “(p.34). By developing EQ, problems that university students face in interpersonal relationships can be overcome.
Firstly, as students spend most of their time with the lecturers and friends in campus, clear communication is one of the most important interpersonal skills among students. Students might have disagreements and wrong perceptions due to miscommunication. They think their ways of working are the best and this thought may lead to problems when we need to work in a team. For instance, when we do a group project, every group member has to contribute ideas to complete the job. The conflict starts at this point if a student believes his work is the best while others cannot entirely follow his idea. Soon, he might drop out from the project group. Finally, he could or would not contribute his best effort and his work is not well graded. By adopting EQ such as discussing issues together and having the negotiation skills, expressing anger appropriately without a bad attitude and fighting, students will be able to solve this communication problem (Kaplan, 1996). Students can also be good team members if they are willing to listen to people carefully and has empathy and understand others.
Secondly, students should always clarify whenever they have doubts on their studies. They should also always seek help when they face problems. If they do not communicate with lecturers and tutors or do not have enough friends to clear the doubts, they will get left behind and end up in “failure”. Having a good friend who has aspect of EQ such as patience, concern and consideration will make a student’s life easier as he/she can ask and share his problems and feeling to the friend. (Life – long Earning Interpersonal Skills, n.d) Therefore, all students should try to make more friends. To build good relationships with friends, students should practice to be friendly, adaptable in any community, helpful and democratic in dealing with others. By having more friends; students can count on the friends and can be able to overcome the problem that they face in studies.
The other problem that university students face is stress. Every student has this problem, but with high EQ, students can deal with it. Stress can hinder the abilities of students. Stress reduces thinking and concentration and impairs decision making. Kaplan (May 24, 1996) mentioned that “It leads to forgetfulness and a loss of ability to focus keenly on a task, and it makes students overly sensitive to criticism. Under these conditions, they perform less well and are more upset by their failures”. However, students can overcome this problem if they have good interpersonal skills. A way to reduce the stress is to take time out for enjoyable activities. Participating in some other brief activity that is mentally restful or fun is another way of reducing stress. Moreover, students can spend time with people and share the feelings by setting aside the pressures of school, work, or difficult relationships.
Therefore, I strongly believe that interpersonal skills such as being patient, being able to control anger and stress, having negotiability and understanding minds etc. enable students to work with others harmoniously and efficiently and with that we can achieve our goal.
Goleman, Daniel (2004). Emotional Intelligence why it can matter more than IQ (10th
Anniversary Edition). New York: Banta Dell.
Kaplan, S.L (May 24, 1996). Helping Gifted Students with Stress Management.
Helping Gifted Students with Stress Management. Retrieved October 14, 2007 from
http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content/stress_management.html
Life – Long Earning Interpersonal Skills (2004, Sep 24). Match your talents with employers’ expectations.
Interpersonal Skills. Retrieved Oct 14, 2007 from
http://science.uniserve.edu.au/projects/skills/jantrial/interpersonal/interpersonal.htm#page_top
